And the universe shakes things up...

I've been reflecting lately on the unpredictability of life. We take such measures to protect ourselves-- put our proverbial ducks in a row so that we can know what will happen first, next, last. We prepare and pack and plan and picture ourselves in a place, in a situation. We make assumptions about what can be expected. We fill our suitcases with the right clothes, the appropriate guidebooks, the family photos. We buy tickets and say our goodbyes. We talk for hours and days on end about the scents, the images, the experiences we are sure to have. We allow ourselves to dream.

And then the universe changes the story.

Now- instead of moving ourselves and our assorted collection of stuff to Chennai, India, we are moving to Barcelona, Spain. The reasons for this change are too complicated to discuss here (I'll summarize and say: bad visa karma), but it is certainly not what we expected even just two weeks ago. For seven months we have dreamed of India. For seven months we have read every book, watched every documentary, ate every meal possible so that we can digest all there was to know about this place we were moving to.

Except, now, we aren't.

And you know what? It's okay. It really is okay. How can one mourn an experience that never was? It's foolish to curse oneself with the countless "what-ifs." Time doesn't move backwards. We cannot undo the past. We cannot rewind three months and do everything differently-- we cannot rewind eight months and tell ourselves to stop dreaming. Life doesn't work that way.

And yet I do mourn. And curse. And doubt myself. And wish that time could go backwards, just this one time. But only sometimes. Most of the time I try to get excited about this new plan- Spain! This is also a great plan! This is also a wonderful place to spend a year or two.

What I learned from the Quakers was: the way will open. The purpose and reason will become apparent. Trust and you shall see. I believe this. I try to believe this. I try to remember that we are, in fact, wonderfully lucky and blessed to have been given this other opportunity-- this grand opportunity to live in Barcelona and work at a wonderful school! I feel that I have been given a gift, a chance to experience something amazing, in the most unexpected way. Life is unpredictable. You were expecting dosas and dal- you are given instead tapas and cava. When life gives you cava-- make...? Well, not lemonade, but certainly something good.

Tomorrow we board the plane to begin our new life in Barcelona. It is not where we expected to be. It is not the country we dreamed of for eight months. But the way has opened and the universe, in her always amusing manner, has sent us down this path.
As the incorrect Spanish grammar of the song says: "Que sera, sera..."